Calculus Final

April 10, 2008

If I ever become a Calculus professor I’m going to give my students one problem on their final exam.

1) Integrate the following (Note: no partial credit will be granted)

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Human Intelligence

March 20, 2008

Ok, so I either had a deep thought or an episode of boredom induced insanity while I was sitting in class the other day.

Mathematical Proof of Human Stupidity:

“If” the universe is infinite, but the number of planets containing intelligent life is finite, then by letting:

x = the number of planets containing intelligent life
y = the size of the universe

Take the ratio of planets with intelligent life to the size of the universe while letting the size of the universe approach infinity.

lim x / y = 0
y → ∞

Proving that no planet contains intelligent life. I realize this theorem is unnecessary for predicting intelligent life on earth, because anybody that has ever been in a public place or watched TV can easily deduce that there is no intelligence in our part of the universe.

Why Should I Vote?

March 8, 2008

This post was inspired by a recent conversation.

I believe that just about everybody would agree that the current state of politics is a complete bastardization of what our forefathers had in mind. Don’t get me wrong now, I love America and I am very grateful to be here, but our government has reached an unbelievable level of corruption.

I am not a registered voter, nor do I plan to be. Why should I vote? Why should I have to “choose the lesser of two evils”? It’s not the act of voting that disgusts me, it’s the cesspool that we have to pick from. I believe Wendy McElroy explains it much better than I ever could:

It is commonly said, “If you don’t vote, you have no right to complain about the outcome.” The opposite is true. By playing the game, voters agree to the rules. Only those who don’t play and withhold their consent have a right to complain about the outcome, especially since the winner will have his hand in the non-voter’s pocket.

Voting is not an act of political freedom. It is an act of political conformity. Those who refuse to vote are not expressing silence. They are screaming in the politician’s ear: “You do not represent me. This is not a process in which my voice matters. I do not believe you.”

Wendy McElroy

What kills me are the people that have no clue about politics but feel they absolutely must exercise their “right to vote”. Hell, I would rather someone not vote, than blindly choose a candidate without even knowing their political stances, or basing their decision on who their friends or family members are voting for. There was a presidential election when I was eighteen, and I was less cynical towards politics at that time. But I chose not to vote because I was logical enough to realize that I did not know enough about the candidates in question to make a legitimate decision.


What is even more ridiculous than the clueless voters are the geniuses that vote straight republican or straight democratic. The shear fact of supporting a political party is asinine. Can you not form your own opinions concerning political matters? Political parties should be done away with, and a politician should be judged solely by his or her own political beliefs and actions.

The whole country’s got a f***ed up mentality. We all got a gang mentality. Republicans are f***ing idiots, democrats are f***ing idiots, conservatives are idiots, and liberals are idiots. Anyone who makes up their mind before they hear the issue is a f***ing fool. It’s bullshit. Be a f***ing person. Listen, let it swirl around in your head. Then form an opinion. No normal, decent person is one thing. I got some shit I’m conservative about, I got some shit I’m liberal about.

Chris Rock

Sadly there are only two people in the whole country that have a chance to become the next president, and if you don’t like either one of them, tough shit. Even if I had to vote, it would definitely not be for one of these two douche bags because I cannot even imagine the dastardly things they have done to get to that position. So I ask again, why should I vote?


Best Buy Adventure

March 7, 2008

So, the other day I went to Best Buy to finally spend a gift card that I still had from Christmas. I knew what I wanted, The Universe season 1, so I was going to be in-n-out. Well, I had been wanting to pick up a HDMI cable for my Xbox 360, so I figured what the hell I’ll see how much they are at Best Buy while I am here. I have always heard that Best Buy is overpriced for audio and video accessories, but hey I had a gift card so who gives a shit

When I finally stumbled upon the cables in question, I was a little awestruck. They had two HDMI cables, one for $100 and another for $65. After I finished laughing to myself I was ready to leave. But of course, here comes Super Salesman out of nowhere, “Need any help with anything?”. So reluctantly I ask “Is this all of your HDMI cables? Are these the cheapest ones you have?”. He responds with “Yes, these are the only ones we have. But, I tell you what, I can knock 20% off”, pointing to the $65 dollar cable. I politely say “No thank you. I can find them much cheaper than that elsewhere.” I notice him having doubts about whether I am just trying to haggle him, or maybe I actually realize their scam. So he replies “OK I tell you what, I can let you have the $65 dollar cable for $30, but that is as low as I can go.” Realizing that he just knocked over 50% off the cable, I reply again with “No thank you. I can find them much cheaper elsewhere.”

With a dumbfounded look on his face he sarcastically asks “Really? How cheap are we talking?” I say “About five dollars or so.” Realizing that I might actually know something about electronics, he doesn’t even respond. He walks over to his little kiosk, and says “I think I might have an opened cable that I could sell you for really cheap.” But of course, there was no opened cable. So as I start to walk away he says “You know, those cheap cables really are crappy. You get a much better quality picture with these gold tipped, blah blah blah cables.” Being the good little electrical engineering student that I am, I almost start to lecture this guy about digital logic and digital signal processing. But surely he knows about this sort of stuff, right? So instead I politely say “Thanks for the help, but I need to be going.”

On the drive home I started thinking to my self “Thirty bucks for a sixty-five dollar cable, that just doesn’t make sense.” How can he, without hesitation, drop that much off the price? How much are they paying for these cables that they can sell them for less than half price and still make a profit? Are there really people out there that are stupid enough to pay $100 for an HDMI cable that is no better than a $5 one? For anybody else out there in the market for a HDMI cable, do some shopping around on Amazon or something. At least read this article before you blow $100 dollars on some Monster Cables like a dumbass, Cheap HDMI Cables.

Alabama’s 12 National Championships Debunked

January 13, 2008

A friend of mine recently e-mailed me this article about Alabama’s so called 12 national championships. Anybody that grows up in Alabama hears this load of bullshit about 12 national championships all the time. It’s even more nauseating when you are an Auburn fan. If anyone happens to know who the author of this is please let me know so I can give credit to them.

12 National Championships? … The Real Story

I just wanted to clear up a few misconceptions about Alabama’s claim to 12 national championships based on fact rather than bias. Credit is given where credit is due.

To clear up confusion, the word retroactive means they went back in time to award the championship.

‘TWELVE’ national championships is fraudulent, nothing but pure bunk ginned up by the SID Department. Here’s a rundown:

1925 National Championship- Alabama claims they share this one with Dartmouth. Who awarded the NC? Houlgate and Helms. Houlgate started his system in 1927. So Bama won their 1925 NC using a formula that didn’t exist until 1927? Helms Athletic Foundation started in 1941. Another incredible retroactive NC.

The Associated Press Poll has been active since 1936. The AP took their final poll prior to bowl games from 1936 – 1964 and in 1966 and 1967. They took their final poll after the bowl games in 1965 and from 1968 – Current.

1926 National Championship- Alabama claims they share this one with 3 other teams with equal or better records! Once again it is the Helms Athletic Foundation in 1941 that awards it!

1930 National Championship- The Davis poll says that Bama tied Notre Dame for NC this year. This was the only one to award it to Bama. Notre Dame was named NC in 6 polls! Parke Davis is another retroactive system! He (an individual, not an organization) did his in 1933!

1934 National Championship- Alabama says they share this with two other teams. The awarders are Dunkel, Williamson, and Football Thesaurus. Dunkel was an individual who came up with his own system. Williamson was a geologist who came up with his own system. Football Thesaurus first appeared in 1946!

1941 National Championship- This is a complete joke. The AP ranked Alabama 20th in the nation with 14 teams with better records in the top 20. Once again it is the Football Thesaurus that retroactively awards it. Alabama finished 3rd in the SEC that year. Mississippi State won the SEC title..yet Bama claims a National title!

1961 National Championship- Finally a legitimate NC. .

1964 National Championship- While the AP did award the NC to Bama (10-1-0), Arkansas had the better record, 11-0. Alabama played Texas in their bowl and LOST. The AP final poll was before the bowl.

1965 National Championship- The AP gave this to Bama. That year there were three teams with better records than Bama. Bama 9-1-1, Michigan St 10-1-0, Arkansas 10-1-0, Nebraska 10-1-0.

1973 National Championship- AP puts Bama 4th after their bowl game loss. Bama claims a NC from the UPI poll that was taken before they met Notre Dame in the bowl game and lost. There were 3 teams with better records than Bama that year. The embarrassment of naming Alabama number one caused the UPI to name champions after bowl games. Yet Bammer has no shame in claiming it of course.

1978 National Championship- AP gives this to Alabama(11-1-0) even though USC (12-1-0) had the better record Guess who Alabama lost to that year? USC!!!!!!!!!. UPI gave the NC to USC.

1979 National Championship- Their second legitimate NC. Their first Unanimous NC.

1992 National Championship- Their third legitimate NC. Their second Unanimous NC.

You can see why people ridicule Bama fans when they talk about 12 NCs. The early ones were awarded by individuals years after the games were played. These weren’t consensus polls but NCs awarded by people that had their own formula for determining champions. Some NCs were given before bowl games that Bama lost. Using Alabama logic, Auburn could claim four national championships. But when Bammers brag they like to say they have twelve and Auburn has one. How silly. The NCAA recognizes 6 NCs for Bama and there are only two NCs that Bama has unanimously. You can’t find an Auburn site claiming four national championships but there are plenty Bama sites claiming twelve.

Debunking the Alabama National Championship myths.

Bama…legends in their own minds!


Tired of Facebook Apps?

January 12, 2008

Am I the only person that absolutely despises all of the obnoxious applications on Facebook? I’m sorry friends, but I honestly don’t give a shit what your horoscope is or how bad you suck at movie trivia.


Do you ever wish that you could view Facebook profiles without all of the cluttered bullshit? Fear not, there is a simple solution!

  1. If you are not already using Firefox install it by clicking here.
  2. Install the Greasemonkey add-on from here.
  3. Install the Facebook custom app hider script from here.
  4. Go to your friends’ annoying profiles and click the ‘X’ that now appears on the upper right hand corner of each app. You may need to restart Firefox if the script isn’t working properly.

If for some reason you want to show an app that you previously hid simply go to the bottom of the person’s profile and click on ‘Hidden Items’. This also shows you how many apps are hidden on the current page. My highest encounter so far is 31. Yeah, sad I know.

This script still works great even if there are only a handful of apps that you would like to hide. It really makes me wonder though, why doesn’t Facebook have something like this built in?

Many thanks to ms609 for creating this wonderful script.

Click here to view comments.


Why Can’t I find a Girlfriend?

January 10, 2008

After a while without a serious girlfriend I recently began wondering if my standards were too high, or maybe there is a problem with me? I of course by natural male tendency refuse to believe the latter. I believe the situation can be explained with basic demographics and simple calculus based statistics.

To get things started I will not relocate to find a woman. So I will only take the demographics from the county in which I live in. According to the census there are 349,958 females in this region. Now of course I would like to date someone close to my age, about plus or minus 3 years sounds reasonable. So 21-27 years of age is our desired sample space, but the census data is only broken down into ages of 21-24 and 25-34. Since dating an older woman might be kinda hot I will use 21-34 as my sample space. The total number of women in this age group is 65,842. Whoah, that sounds like a lot of chicks right?

Possible matches remaining: 65,842

Like most other guys I want a beautiful woman. And I am a fairly picky guy so I will go two standard deviations above the norm. Assuming that beauty is normally distributed of course.

After multiplying this value by the number of females in the desired age range we are left with 1,498 women.

Possible matches remaining: 1,498

I also refuse to date an unintelligent girl. Not to brag, but for scientific proposes, with an I.Q. in about the top 2% of the population I would like to date a girl in at least the top 5%. Which in turn lowers the pool of candidates to 75.

Possible matches remaining: 75

Also keep in mind that not all of these women are single. So according to general observations I will say that on average half of all females in this age group are available. We are now left with 37 women.

Possible matches remaining: 37

I can honestly admit that not every woman is throwing their panties at me, so realistically of course not all of these remaining women would date me. So let’s say that conservatively about 1 in 5 would be attracted to me. This leaves only 7 women.

Total possible matches: 7

Wow, 7 possible matches in my area! With 656,700 total people currently living in my county, let’s say I talk to 3 complete strangers on an average day. The odds of running into one of these 7 women on any giving day are about 31,000 to 1.

So, after these calculations one can easily conclude that my standards really aren’t too high, there is simply a lack of highly intelligent supermodels in my area.

Please note: If one of these seven aforementioned women happen to be reading this, don’t hesitate to contact me.

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Inspired by Tristan Miller